REACTIVE M vs PROACTIVE ME
“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There’s almost no such thing as ready. There’s only now. And you may as well do it now. I mean, I say that confidently as if I’m about to go bungee jumping or something — I’m not. I’m not a crazed risk taker. But I do think that generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”
― Hugh Laurie
I believe often it is with me that I take things whatever I feel I should and leave the other. Most of the time I try to understand the problem of the other person (my parents, friends, and girlfriend) whenever they have something for me on the plate. I try my reaction not to be that of reactive but a proactive one. Try to change whatever I can and to minimize whatever I cannot. This does not happen always. Sometimes the reactions just overpower me
There have been many times when I have been more reactive (giving excuses to do or not to do something) than being proactive (being actively wanting to do something or not to do something and being firm on it)
One of the times I could recall is that of very recently. It had been about 2 weeks that my fellowship had started and a load of assignments was bombarded on me. It felt like the faculties here has a Ph.D. in giving assignments. My day starts at 6:30 in the morning and it was ending at 11 at night. I was so irritated because I was at my home and was unable to give time to my parents or give time to my girlfriend. I ended up calling one of the facilitators. Saying to him that it was giving me a headache and I don’t know how will I manage and that everyone had the problem. He tried his level best to convey it to me that the course was rigorous and it will get tougher. But I believe I was reactive. Now fast forward to about a day or two ago, when I wrote an email asking that there should be one day holiday at least in a week.
It was something I had influence over but did not try to use it, I could have slept an hour or two less. Less recreational time. if I love the subjects which I really do. I Don’t believe it that difficult to manage. I won't say there are no problems, there are and sometimes gives a headache but every day if I am able to submit my assignments on time because to do them I am being proactive rather than leaving them and saying that I won’t be able to do it. in this way, I am able to move my circle of influence (something to which I have control over. Similarly, I can also change reaction for complaining because it is something that comes under my circle of influence, the reaction or response to which I could change or have influence over.
One of the times I could think when I was proactive was about two years ago in the month of January 2018. When a friend of mine told me about her past. It was something really painful. It was the first time I got to know about the reasons why she used to say that all men should die, that how she had killed a soul inside her. Now everything was coming into the picture. Why she did not use to look in the mirror or was hesitant to take photos of herself. She used to feel bad about herself. The day I got to know about it. I dint wanted to just sympathize with her. I hugged her. I wasn’t able to sleep properly for somedays. Every day I use to pray that people who give so much pain to someone should get even worse. But this was not helping her. It was in the circle of concern (something for which you have happened and have no control to change it) which I could not change but I could help her to expand her circle of influence. So after days of thinking, I decided that we will play a game where she will tell me 1 reason every day (eventually 2 reasons everyday) why she loved herself. I took this forward with her and after a lot of hesitation, she finally said yes. The days went by and every day we use to discuss her reasons for today what small thing she did or happened with her that made love herself. We played it but I felt there wasn’t much change. I thought of doing something else. I thought I will write a book about her describing how beautiful she is and how she can love herself. How that soul she thinks she killed is still inside her, a bit lost but could be found. I had no clues on how to do it though. I had never written a book or even read one completely. But I wanted to do it for her. I had about 2–3 months. I started writing down our conversations. All the reasons she talks about loving herself. The day came, it was time for me to start writing it after one draft. It took some time, to decipher the name of the chapter and prepare it accordingly. Talking to someone who could print and so on and so forth. It was finally prepared. I just wanted to give it to her on her birthday which I did on 16.03.18. I still can't forget the tears in her eyes. The smile on her face. The way she hugged me and cried continuously. That book she says has become a constant reminder for her that she loves herself. I was not able to vanish her pain in total but I am happy that in some way I was able to expand my circle of influence by writing that book and to some extend hers as well.
Thus it is very important for us to look within us on why we should be proactive and give no reasons over our circle of influence. There is an abundance of things that we can do we just have to spare being reactive on those things and start acting.